“I don’t know, why I am sharing this.”
“Life goes on! Whether you choose to move on or stay behind.”
26, April 2021
At 1:30 P.M.
I was sitting on my chair and was doing my work. All of sudden, a thought came to mind and I started saying to god, “God please! for the last 3–4 days, the bad news is coming from all sides. But today, till now, we haven’t received any bad news. Please keep this day the same. I wish everyone is fine”.
At 3:19 P.M.
My father’s phone rang, I went to check the phone and it was an unknown number. I have ignored that and put the phone down. And said nothing to my father. Again a call came from that number, but when the phone rang the third time, my brother went to check and he gave the phone to my father. At that time, I was in the kitchen with my mom. My mom called my father but I told her, “He is talking to someone on call, let me check”. When I entered his room, he was crying, he was anxious, before I asked him, he told me, “Mami is no more”. I was unable to understand. I asked again, “Who?”
Suddenly at that time, my mother entered the room, and my father told to her that, “ — — is no more!”. I was shocked. I left with no words. My mother and father both were crying, I went to my mother and tried to calm her down. After that, I told the incident to my brother. My mother was crying loudly. She was lost. At that time, I was unable to digest, unable to accept, what I heard.
I said nothing to my parents, but I felt broken. I was not able to breathe properly. I was so worried about my mama and cousin, that how will they manage all this? And what has happened? My body has started shivering. I sat on a corner of the couch and said nothing. Many thoughts were striking into my mind and I was out of my mind.
At 5:30 P.M.
We all tried to calm down and called a phone to my mama. We were worried about my cousin, who is 16 years old. My mother talked to his brother(my mama) and we all were just out of our minds. I have tried to talk to my cousin. When I took the phone, and I said, “Hello”! He started crying. I was speechless. What to say, what not to say. I have tried to calm him down and told him to take care of mama. He said, “Di I am unable to calm myself, how can I take care of my father”. Again I have no words. I was feeling helpless. I can’t go there and give them support nor I have anything to say, what can I say? Nothing. How can I say to my cousin that his mother is no more, how can I? He again started crying, and said to me, “Why Di, why all this happens to me?” Later I talked to my mama and told him to sanitize the house and take the COVID test. After that, I hung up the phone.
At 9:30 P.M.
I was crying on my bed. I was feeling helpless and was blaming God for all this. Repeatedly I was saying, “God! What have you done?” What will happen now? Why have you done this?”
At the same time, I was feeling that life is so vulnerable. We all are so vulnerable. We can’t stay for a minute longer than our life is destined to, nor can hold our close ones for an extra minute to stay with us.
No one can help us in this, nor we can help anyone else. Only time can heal this wound.
Life is too short, life is unpredictable, death is not in our control. and it’s the law of nature. We can die anytime, anywhere. I was stuck with a question that, “For achieving what! We keep running here and there in our whole lives”.
What we get at the end — nothing.
27 April 2021
At 1:00 A.M.
I have taken my medicines and some other stuff because I was not feeling well and went to bed to sleep after that.
At 1:30 A.M
Everyone was sleeping and I was not able to sleep because whenever I tried to close my eyes, the incident that happened, kept repeating in my mind. Since evening, I have tried many ways to distract myself, I have listened to many songs, but wasn’t able to relax my mind.
“We can’t run away from the truth, only we can accept it and move on”.
I got up from my bed and took my laptop and started writing, and while writing, I kept thinking that life is not in our control. Anyone one of us can die anytime, anywhere.
How to hold the time for a while!
At the same time, I was trying to pull myself out from all this, and trying to find some reason, trying to make myself strong, trying to say to myself that whatever happens, happens for a reason. But but but, how can I say all this to my cousin. He is totally broken down. He said to me, “God has taken everything from me. All my loved ones are going away from me”. He kept repeating this and said to me, “I want to meet my mother, I also want to die, so that I can meet her”. Oh my god! I was crying, what to say? From where can I bring his mother? What to do so that I help him to get over this? How can I say him to be strong? He has lost his mother, I can never think, even in my dreams, that bad for anyone.
I don’t think that words are enough to express my feelings. Everything has shattered. Right now, it’s 2:16 AM, 28 April, and I am writing this. Because today also, I am not able to sleep.
But I know as time pass, the wounds will automatically get filled.
But from all this situation I have learned that everything is temporary in life either it’s a person or a thing.
“Time is flying and none of us can stop it. Start working on your dreams before it’s too late”.
And most importantly, we can’t change the situation nor we can run away from it, we have to accept the situation as it is and move on. And I strongly believe that there is some power, which always helps us to stand again.
Life is too short to wait for the right moment to start something new. Life is too short to find yourself, instead, start creating yourself. Life is too short to regret. Life is really short!
Originally published at kratitalk.blogspot.com